I was looking through my journal today at past entries and it’s always sobering to know that being bipolar is a journey, and truthfully speaking, it is a part of my everyday life. It took me years to come to that realization. I use to think that once an episode was over, bipolar was over for me. And very early on, I actually would think it was gone forever! So far, it always comes back one way or another, I finally accept that, but I always come back to myself…thank God!
The more I learn about bipolar and me, and the more I hear the story of others living with bipolar, the more I share my story the more real it is. It may sound sadistic, but when I hear someone’s story, I get excited! It means someone understands what a dark hole is. It means they know what victory and overcoming is. It can even be a shoulder to cry on. The times when I have to be hospitalized, I meet people with similar symptoms, roadblocks, challenges and episodes which gives me a familiarity with them. We understand each other, in some ways, more than the doctors! Especially if the doctor in not bipolar. How could he understand? Sure he understands the science of it all, but to actually know? Only those of us who are living this life can ever totally understand and that’s ok.
There are many good stories along my life’s journey which are not completely consumed with bipolar. One of the most important things I have learned is that my self-worth is not wrapped up in bipolar. I have bipolar, bipolar does not have me!